To you new people out there—his name isn’t really Bert. 

I’ve been working on this one since yesterday.  Somewhere in there I aged him a bit, I think.  This is by far the best one I’ve done, I think.  I’m very happy with it.  I don’t like his reflection, so I might have to go back in and change that up a bit.

Forgiveness is something that I feel I learned more about well into my 20’s.  It’s not something that I was taught about, not at any length.  I always thought that forgiveness was something you did to let the other person off the hook.  Understandably, I did not like the idea of forgiving someone.  It wasn’t until I sat down with my old pastor and spoke to him that I learned something new about forgiveness.  It is not something you do to excuse someone.  It is simply something you do to get things off your chest and it is a way to deal with things, and still be able to interact with that person, or not.  It involves lifting the issues from your own shoulders so that you can breath again. 

If there is nothing else that I ever convey to my children, it is the importance of learning to forgive.  It doesn’t mean that you act like things never happened.  It just means that you move on and choose to concentrate your emotions and health on something else.  It lets you “get over it” and work on how you are going to grow and move on past the issue.  I believe that forgiving is essential because it allows you to keep a healthy mindset and let things that you cannot control.

You don’t pretend like things did not happen, you just protect your heart and your mind from further hurt and emotional problems by choosing to accept it how it is.  It’s your body’s way of protecting itself by choosing to accept things as they are and let go of trying to control the situation.  It is then your decision how you proceed.  Do you deal with that person?  Do you choose not to interact with them again?  The bliss is that you get to choose your reaction, and then let it go.  Don’t let it eat away at your for years.

I learned this because I had such overwhelming issues with my father.  I love him, because he is my father.  I have such great memories of him from when I was a kid.  As I got older and after my parents divorced, my father and I grew apart.  I started growing up and could make my own decisions about him.  I loved him anyway, but he grew more and more distant.  After he remarried, he threw his heart into his new family.  Honestly, I cannot blame him for this.  He needed to do that.  It was his second start…a chance to do it right.  I had a hard time with my memories of broken promises, and then with the things he didn’t do (like travel 8 hours to see his step children who live in the same town as I did, and then conveniently call me at the last minute and spend at most an hour (more like 20-30 minutes) in passing…meeting his grandchild only once and never meeting his second grandchild.)  It was then that I decided to protect my boys from knowing upset by a grandparent like I felt as his daughter. 

I’ve forgiven my father.  I don’t let it get to me anymore.  I know that one day, he might need me.  When he does, he is welcome.  I love him as I always have.  When he truly decides to be a father and grandfather, he will be welcome into our home.  My condition is that it must be all or nothing.  I won’t compromise my boys happiness with him breaking their hearts. 

Sure, when I think of it too much, it still tears at me a little.  In forgiving, I’ve had to separate myself from the situation.  It allows me to be happy and I can actually feel good about my father this way.  I can appreciate those good moments and not dwell too much on the things that hurt.  The key is that I cannot control what he does…I can only control how I let myself feel.  I can keep my feelings from being a reaction to his actions, and instead let my feelings be something that I have regardless of what he does.  I could not change him, but I could change my outlook on it.  It has resulted in much more peace on my part.  Forgiveness allows that…peace.

Thanks to this picture (courtesy of this website) in google images, I was able to have a pretty Hibiscus to sketch today. 

My goal was to apply some of the blending techniques that I learned from this website.  Rebekah Lynn had some great tips and suggestions, and I think they worked for me.  I still have a lot to work on, but I feel like my blending was more even and I felt much more confident trying to apply these ideas.

Here is my sketch. 

I’ve since also reworked the chin area…making the drawing’s chin slightly less “long”…I’ll post the rework later.

My oldest son continues to amaze me each and every day.  He definitely is quick and witty like his father.  I, unfortunately, cannot claim that this part of him is inherited from me. 

Last night, while Trick or Treating at our Mall, a lady responded to Bert’s “Trick or Treat,” by saying “Trick!  I want a trick!”  I figured he would just stand there, not knowing how to react.  Instead, he stuck his tongue out at her and blew a funny noise out of his mouth.  She said, “Well, I did ask for a trick!  He’s pretty quick there!  Didn’t skip a beat!”

Needless to say, I think sometime soon, I will find myself at the mercy of my son’s witty remarks.  We shall see.

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Another funny that happened yesterday…

This one really got me laughing.

Bert was playing on the computer at the Nick Jr. website when he said, “Mom! Can you help me?”

I walked over and he said, “I need to hop on the geyser and I cannot do it.”

Amazed that my 4 year old knew what a geyser was, I replied, “Geyser?  How’d you know it was called a geyser?  Who taught you that word??”

He looked thoughtfully at me and said, “Mom, God gave me a brain.”

All that this moment was missing was  “Dah-Duh-Dum-Crash!” from drums and cymbol after he ended.

So funny!!!!

Currently?  He’s selling his 2 year old brother car insurance.  (car insurance?? really???)  He’s using the coupons that some of the lame stores gave us last night instead of candy.

Wow! It’s certainly been a while since I was on here actively posting.  My life has been busy with kids and work, and tutoring at the Elementary nearby.  I needed a “break” from blogging, so I took it.  I’m looking forward to posting more here. 

Some things that have happened during my break?

-Got more leverage…bought a Wii!  Thanks to the roofer guy that gave me a discount, I now could get one. 

-Been struggling more and more with Ernie’s Eating.  I’ve given up, not in.  We have eliminated sugary (non-fruit) snacks…now we do fruit, dried fruit, and cheese sticks for lunch instead (and other healthy things).  I am no longer worrying about how much he eats at dinner.  If he chooses not to, it’s his problem.  When he starts losing weight, it’s my problem to deal with then.

-We got hit by an evil virus…(yes, it’s cleaned up now)…beware of Windows Pro Antivirus (Trojan).  In short, it majorly sucks.  I was lucky to have a husband with knowledge of computers…if not, it would have cost MAJOR money.

-We FINALLY know our medical training fate for the next year and a half.  We DON’T have to move!!  Yay!

-Bert has gotten independent enough that I am able to now “drop him off” at the school’s circle in the morning!  (Yay! No more cold, rainy mornings with a 2 year old in one hand, and an umbrella in the other—while trying to walk, and suddenly falling on my ass on the sidewalk for all the world to see!! (I know…major runon….but, you get the idea)—and I know how to close my parenthesis properly, so there.)

-I’ve gone through another cycle of “Do I want to have a baby?”, “I think I want to have a baby.”, “Hell, No! I don’t want to have a baby!”…and I thank my two wonderful and adorable boys for helping me to make my decision.

-We graduated to bunk beds for the boys.  We completely redid their room and decorated it.  They loved it! (even if I had to “FORCE” Bert to sleep on the top bunk for two days before he got used to it and accepted it.)  Hey!  Don’t judge.  My son needs a little kick in the butt every now and then to attempt something because he gets scared.  What better way than to force it on him by giving punishment as a consequence???  You know you do it too!

-I now see everything as a subject to try to draw.  I size it up…I think about the values, and try to convince myself I can do it.  I wish for the day when I CAN do it…I want to be able to draw everything.

-I’ve discovered and accepted that I make 2/3 of the mess in our house, most of the time.  I’ve also come to accept it (as does my husband) because I clean it all up 99% of the time.  (I really should have recorded his acknowledgement of this fact).

-I’m now in my “maintaining” cardio/weight place…I am now only working out 3 times a week.  I do cardio/weights twice…and just cardio the other day.  I’m no longer strength training…just lifting what I want each time.  I’m not as cut as I was, but I am still in really good shape and feel great!  That’s my goal, so I’m happy!

And, there you have it, folks!  This is what you missed in my absence from blog-land.  When I think of more, I’ll update you.

In the meantime,

Happy Halloweenie!

I’m not that happy with this one…I think it’s the eyes…or the lips…or the mouth…or all of it.  He was not happy here, but also not angry.  We were taking photos at JCPenney, and the photographer scared him, I think.  Poor little guy.  This is the expression he was making as he had his body turned up against my legs and was looking back at the camera.

He still doesn’t like taking pictures…

I’ve never denied being a flighty person.  The truth is, I think I just love doing lots of different things, and strive to do many things pretty well.  I don’t have to be wonderful at them, although when they are in my current rotation of things I am doing, I do try to make myself better and learn more about it.  Call it what you want.

I’ve always wanted to draw.  I’ve never been very good at it, but I could always look at something and “sketch” it without putting in shadow and making it look real.  It’s always bothered me that I could not do that.  Lately I have been wanting to draw, so I did some research and have started.  I can say (honestly) that I have learned a lot in the past week or two.  I did not post my original couple of drawings…although I think I will, because they were that bad!!

These two latest posts are pictures of my oldest son and of my sitting on the couch looking at my shoes.

My goals in both of these drawings was to apply what I have learned about values and shadow and blending.  I did the shoes last night…I think the blending in that picture is much better than in the picture of my oldest son.  Either way I had fun for a couple hours and am now obsessing on drawing.  I am finding myself thinking of things I see in terms of values and shading and how could I draw it??  I have a house that I would like to draw, but I would have to get permission to sit across the street and draw that private home first.  It’s the way I want my house to look on the outside one day.  I could almost say that I would buy that house without ever stepping foot into it, just because I feel it is the right fit for me from looking at it from the outside.  Crazy, huh??

Some other things I plan to work on…more pictures of my sons…my hands (or someones–I really need to practice that part more)…eyes…more faces…the list goes on and on.

I hope you enjoy my contribution, and please realize I am completely self-teaching myself and this is hugely a “work in progress.”

Happy Halloween!